Tears and Fears and Maybe Something Else

It's amazing how quickly the things I cried over changed.  Late at night, instead of crying about being the outsider, the girl no one really pays attention too,  I've been crying for other reasons.  I sometimes don't even know WHY I'm crying.  I just cry.  It's been really hard these last two months.  Really hard.  I hide my pain and only really cry at night, when no one will see me.  But my hurt, my pain, it's all there.  I feel it nearly every moment of the day.  God has been there for me.  He has helped me this far, and He will help me the rest of the way. 

My fears have changed too.  I no longer am as terrified of people as I was this time last year.  I'm in my mid teens, and last year I was afraid to even buy things at a store without someone I know there.  I hated being so scared.  I wasn't really scared of someone hurting me, just afraid of people in general.  They make me nervous.  So nervous I can barely squeak out 'Hi' in reponse to them.  That fear has increased in insane amounts.  God has helped me so much with that.  My drama group helped me come out of my shell as well.  I don't know why I wasn;t scared stiff on the stage, but I wasn't.  Not completly, anyway.

My fear of people has been around since I was really little.  I nearly refused my first ride on a horse because I was scared of my cousins (They had the horses).  But I did that and really liked it.  But I still struggle with fear.  It helps to remember that God did not make us to be creatures of fear, but He made us to be strong in Him.

Strong in God.  Sounds perfect to me.  I know I cannot carry on on my own.  I need His help.  I need Him.  He is my Light, my Strength, my Life.  One of my favorite verses is in Philipians.  "I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me."  Amazing.  I can do anything!  Because God gives me strength! 

One time I was house and cat sitting for my neighbours while they were away for a while.  They have a picture thing on the wall.  It has a Bible verse on it from one of the 'H' books in the Old Testemant.  I don't remember the exact words, but it said that God sings for us.  God, our mighty Creator, singing, for US!  It blew me away.  I walked home in a daze because it was so overwelming.  It was a 'wow' moment.  I'm still awaed by the fact that my Creator sings for His lowley creation.

5 Myths about Canada

Hey everybody!

Here are five myths about Canada and the truth. ;)

1.
Canada is an unihabital icy country.

Not true!  I live in Canada and I can tell you that most areas are not iced over all year round!  In fact, many areas reach around 30 degrees celcius in the summer!  Beach time!  Canada is a lovely country with a mix of the crisp cold, and wonderful heat.

2.
Kids in Canada ride polar bears to school.

Now don't belive everything on facebook :p  We take the school bus. ;) lol
3.
We all live in igloos.

Definintaly not!  They'd melt in the summer.  We have normal houses.
4.
Santa does not live in Canada, he lives in Greenland (I think that's the other country)

Well, *if* Santa was real, he'd live in Canada because his postal code is H0H 0H0 (Aych, zero, Aych,   Zero, Aych, Zero).
5.
Canadians are rude.

Some are, but not all.  Just like in evry country. :)

Feeling Like I'm Falling Apart

Lately I've been feeling like I'm falling apart.  I go to bed and all I can do for about a half hour is cry.  Then my sleep is rather fitful and I almost never have a good rest.  It's like sleep is when you charge a battery (me), and you can never get the bettery quite as charged up as it was the previous time you charged it.  It's also really hard to see my dad.  He moved to the hospic house where they can give him better attention than we can at home.  But it's awful.  How many girls know what it's like to see your dad, who hardly gets sick EVER, start complaining about a bit of pain in his side that's been keeping him from sleeping?  Then after a week or two he goes to the doctor who tells him he has cancer and it's pretty big?  How many girls then watch how fast their father deteriorates?  In a month, my dad went from looking normal with just the pain, to having to lie down all the time and having yellow skin and yellow eye whites because his liver isn't working right.  Just please pray for me.  Please pray that the chemo works and they can find some way to slow the cans=cer down, other wise my dad could die by the end of June.

Sweet Girls, Chemo, and Some More of the Tiny Island

On Saturday, the three little girls next door came over with a handful of flowers they had picked for my daddy.  I managed to keep from crying at this so sweet little act until they left.  They are so wonderful!!!

My dad is getting chemo right now.

Once we got to the youth retreat, we stuck our bags in the "Mator Gator" (a John Deere golf cart thing decorated like Mator from "Cars").  Then we went and were the first ones registered.  After that, we got whisked off on a tour of the campus.  We went to the dock (decorated as 'Finding Nemo') where a guy in a wet suit asked us if we had seen Nemo, cause he had lost the little fish.  We hadn't, and he jumped off the dock.  Then the rules of the dock were quickly told and we continued up the path.  We saw the soccer field and then went to the Lodge, where the girls stay.  The boys were told that that was as close as they would go to the girls' dorms while they were there.  After that, we went along the path and came across a 'Surfs Up' lemonade stand.  there was a homemade penguin surfing thing that you could stick your head into and get your picture taken.  Nobody wanted to do it.  So Jessie (a girl dressed up as Jessie from Toystory) grabbed one of the girls in our tour and stuck her in it.  Then we went to the boys' cabins.  The girls were informed that that was as close as they would get to them for the rest of the weekend.  We participated in the making of a 'movie', then went back down to the main part of the campus.  We passed the field of Smoochie the lama on our way.  Smoochie was at his fence, so Jessie and Woody informed us that he lives up to his name and we could kiss him if we wanted.  No one wanted to, so I was just like, "Sure, whatever."  I kissed Smoochie.  Then we finished up by seeing the Up Office, Guestou's (the dining halls, yes, plural.).  After that we were free to do whatever until lunch.  A and I found her sisters and talked with them for a bit.  We wandered around for a bit, then found A's parents a few minutes before the ferry left to take them back to the big island.  A's sister, J, was there also with a friend and I learned a secret that I can't tell ANYONE!!! ;)  Don't worry, it's a good secret.  Well, I'll finish up some more later.