It's amazing how quickly the things I cried over changed. Late at night, instead of crying about being the outsider, the girl no one really pays attention too, I've been crying for other reasons. I sometimes don't even know WHY I'm crying. I just cry. It's been really hard these last two months. Really hard. I hide my pain and only really cry at night, when no one will see me. But my hurt, my pain, it's all there. I feel it nearly every moment of the day. God has been there for me. He has helped me this far, and He will help me the rest of the way.
My fears have changed too. I no longer am as terrified of people as I was this time last year. I'm in my mid teens, and last year I was afraid to even buy things at a store without someone I know there. I hated being so scared. I wasn't really scared of someone hurting me, just afraid of people in general. They make me nervous. So nervous I can barely squeak out 'Hi' in reponse to them. That fear has increased in insane amounts. God has helped me so much with that. My drama group helped me come out of my shell as well. I don't know why I wasn;t scared stiff on the stage, but I wasn't. Not completly, anyway.
My fear of people has been around since I was really little. I nearly refused my first ride on a horse because I was scared of my cousins (They had the horses). But I did that and really liked it. But I still struggle with fear. It helps to remember that God did not make us to be creatures of fear, but He made us to be strong in Him.
Strong in God. Sounds perfect to me. I know I cannot carry on on my own. I need His help. I need Him. He is my Light, my Strength, my Life. One of my favorite verses is in Philipians. "I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me." Amazing. I can do anything! Because God gives me strength!
One time I was house and cat sitting for my neighbours while they were away for a while. They have a picture thing on the wall. It has a Bible verse on it from one of the 'H' books in the Old Testemant. I don't remember the exact words, but it said that God sings for us. God, our mighty Creator, singing, for US! It blew me away. I walked home in a daze because it was so overwelming. It was a 'wow' moment. I'm still awaed by the fact that my Creator sings for His lowley creation.
weird. I thought I was the only person who was nervous about other people. I am not quite as afraid as you, but like, I hate buying things because then I have to talk to the cashier and stuff.. :/ I never really thought about God giving me the strength and courage to get through that. Thanks
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome! I was just typeing my thoughts out and never even considered that it might help someone else. Thanks for commenting :)
ReplyDeleteIt's okay to cry... it sometimes helps so so much! wish I could give you a big hug girl. love you. praying that Jesus would wrap you in peace and comfort that only He can give.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I know He's always there. It helps a lot to know that. I mostly cry at night, when things catch up to me. But I don't cry every night, just sometimes. And then often about two or three days later, I write a poem, as weird as that may sound. I like to write. :)
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